Sunday, January 17, 2010

Saturday, January 16, 2010
I just yummed up a WW smoothie (made with milk) frozen strawberries and peaches, fiber 1 peach yogurt, vanilla and splenda.... to be honest I ate past the point of being satisfied .... now I feel guilty.... I'm trying to figure why I don't just stop but the rest in the freezer for a little be later...... I think it all boils down to the fact that I don't trust myself to allow myself to eat later (I guess I will always be a recovering anorexic even though it is more than 30 years ago)! I have come to realize that I will always have food issues and that is why I'm not trying to get to the low end of my height/weight range.... I know I always risk going over board and I don't want to do that again. I can tell you that food is always on my mind.As far as my indulgence this weekend.... no it isn't food related .... over the Christmas holidays I took 2 weeks of vacation...... the first week was filled with rushing around, shopping, wrapping presents..and always the daily trip to the barn to do my horsey chores.... by the 2nd the week I just wanted to stay at home and not go anywhere, I even resented having to get out of the apt to go to the stables, grocery store and WW being back at work the stress has been very intense and I'm anxiety in bulk everyday.... I know that I need to just "Be" for awhile so I'm trying to not push myself to Have to do anything.......I will go to the barn and I will most likely make it to my WW mtg tomorrow..... I'm sleeping as late as my body and my doggies will let me......I need to get back to "moving more" but I am just not a point to put pressure on myself.....sounds crazy doesn't it. I feel like I want to hit the Pause button on my life! diane
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Thank you llcomingore for the thoughful comment....i didn't know that dogs could get Alzethimers.either...the Vet said there is one drug used on humans that is also used on dogs....I will probably give that a go...with fingers crossed...Teddy (my Yorkie) has been with me through lifes ups and downs and my weight going up and down over the last 15.5 years.I waiting to find out the monthly cost of the meds and I'm sure the Vet doesn't have them on hand at his office......I don't know whether it is the stress of everything but my points just don't seem enough for me to be satisfied.... I know the solution is activity points..... I just have to force myself out of the dumps and get moving.... tonight is my Belly Dancing classes.... I am prepared with one combo so if I have to do a short free style.... I need to memorize more combo's to feel more prepared for whatever my teacher throws at us tonight.... Next week I'm going to start rehearsals for a performance at the Sweetheart Hafla held at the end of Feb. it is one of the many required performance to complete to move up to Advanced III.... it may be over a year before I'm even close.... I can't get the nerve up to perform a solo....when I do it will mostly likely be done a class graduation ceremony....I will have to select a very small class so it will be less frightening. Off to work.....bye diane
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
It was a so so day...I did add more filling foods today so I will focus on the things I did well.... I've been on maintenance since the end of Sept. and I know that food will always be an issue for me.... I need to get myself motivate and Move my head I know I need to but I just can't get myself to do it... I've been knee deep in the "Blues" since a few days before Christmas.... I'm having a terrible time shaking it.... I have moments when I feel like my old self but then I sent back into the blues...... I know I'm the only one that can get myself out of this. I'm off to bed ... a good night sleep will help... I need to get the focus and energy to watch some of my Belly dancing DVD's and come up with some dance combinations.... we are doing free style dancing during classes this month..... it is my least favorite thing to do.... I Freeze.... I so need to do some prep! Night diane
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Today's WW meeting was good.... perfect timing after being constantly hungry last week.... the meeting topic was Filling food.... I've been on WW since the end of April 2009 and I guess that I lost my focus on how to manage being hungry and I don't like eating small portions.....I feel like I'm missing out or my brain takes awhile for it to reach the satisfied threshold....that is also a good reason why I need to not eat so fast and focus on what I'm actually eating... I tend watch TV while I'm eating so it is easy not to pay attention and the next thing I know I have cleaned my plate : (Last night I tried one of the recipes out of a WW cookbook "Beer Can Chicken low points and very easy and tastie. I also made some low cal gravy from an envelope, Broccolli, green salad with cucumber, cherry tomatoes and Mushrooms on the chicken..... anyway lots of filling foods in that line up so I ate leftovers tonight.Diane
Saturday, January 09, 2010

Last night I know I was worn out from my action packed work week......and lack of enough sleep (I also have a medical issue - I have too much iron in my blood ..... it has some of the same symptoms-Exhaustion as anemia but can actually kill you if it gets to the point that the iron deposits in your organs).... I used to love it when I could get by on 5 hours of sleep a day. Any way there was so much I wanted to do last night but just didn't have the energy.....So I went to bed and I actually slept for 12 hours straight..... I know that sounds like I'm being a slug but I really could not function today with out getting that rest .... I am so thankful that Teddy and Lucy Lu (my doggies) bought in to sleeping that long... they are the best....this is when I'm glad that I live alone and can make the choose what I do with my time.I have been thinking about things that I want to focus on and do differently in 2010.... I want to take time each week to try out new recipes..... I have several years of the Cooking Light magazine, I have bought about 6 WW cookbooks and 5 of the WW cookbooks/magazine format that I found at the grocery store... it appears that they publish it about 5-6 times a year....usually the title is Recipes in 15 mins Recipes in 20 mins .... they are about $12 and are great.... and then there are the recipes located on this WW website... I tend to eat the same things at each meals for days on end and I need to add variety to my meals... I would love to know what your favorite meals or recipes are.... Please share.diane aka Lucky Begonia
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Wow.... I can't believe that I haven't posted since Wed....this week has been filled with getting back into the routine of going back to work (vacation for 2 weeks) I don't know whether it has been lack of adequate sleep of too much stress has resulted in me being hungry all day long..... I'm planning to sleep in tomorrow morning as long as my body wants to and as long as my 2 doggies will let me. I will have to let you know how my plan works out......Maybe my body is fighting to get back the 2.2 lbs that I lost unexpectantly.......?diane
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
I can't remember a day when I have been so hungry the entire day... I don't know what is with me! I haven't been using any weekly flex points since I've been trying to maintain my weight.... Lately I've actually wanted to drop about 5 more lb's .....if I had flex points this is the day I needed them.... I didn't go over board but I just ate some 1/2 the fat Dreyers ice cream..... I hope tomorrow I'm not as hungry! diane
Sunday, January 03, 2010

My 2nd weigh in for January (you can read my previous blog entry for details) well I was really upset that I had to go and weigh for the 2nd time but it my weight went down by 1.2 pounds..... I'm sure it is a fluke but it made me feel good about the choices I had made during the holidays ..... I intended to celebrate with eating real pizza tonight from Pizza Hut....I decided against it and decided to try Weight Watchers mini pizza at 5 pts a serving......they were great.... I did dress it up a bit with some spicy hamburger, fat free cheese and Classico's pasta sauce with Itailian Sausage...very low pts for 1/2 of a cup and so delicious (a great discovery!)... a green salad, with black eyed peas and with Italian Ranch dressing by Hidden Valley....I only used 1 tbls. I spoke to my leader and she is inspiring me to aim for earning the WW 25 lb. token.... I will have to think about it.... if I'm to lose anymore it is probably going to have to be by exercise.Back to work tomorrow after a 2 week vacation.... I hate to think of what faces me... oh the emails.... hopefully everyone else was on vacation also : )
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Well my plan is action.... I'm about to go weigh in for my (official) and actullay my 2nd in January..... because I went to a WW meeting and did no weigh in to get into the meeting last Sunday I had to wait until today..... I did as I had planned and went to bed at 2:00 am and thankfully my dogs allowed me to sleep until 11:30....I don't eat or drink until after weigh in (2:30 in the afternoon is a long time for me to go without eating or drinking!) I did weigh in on my WW scale I have at home and it looks like todays weigh in may be better than yesterday's ... I will let you know!.... that would make this fiasco somewht worth it..... I can tell you now that I know it will never happen again! Oh I did check for an earlier meeting in the area that meets at 10:30 on Sundays but the directions were unclear and I wasn't sure if their scales may weigh a little differently..... so I opted to go this afternoon .diane
On Thursday I dropped by my WW location because I had a question..... I achieved lifetime back the end of Sept so the rules are still new to me.... I went to a WW meeting on Sunday and did a No Weigh in... (I don't weigh weekly offically at the meeting but do weigh weekly at home) but I like to have a record of the meetings I attend.... well that came back to haunt me today.... I went into do my official January weigh in and I couldn't because I had done a No Weigh in on Sunday.... so I can't weigh in until tomorrow.... doesn't really make sense to me as a Lifetime member that hasn't weighed in since 12/01/09.... I can understand why they don't want members to do more than one offical weigh in a week but in this instant it didn't make any sense.....I was upset because I had checked before going in this morning and was told that I would be able to do my offical weigh in today. Why I have an issue with this is the day prior to weigh in I eat less (mainly eat yogurt and a smoothie, eat nothing salty and I don't eat or drink until I weigh in at WW, the meeting tomorrow is at 2:30 that is a long time to go without eating or drinking..... I guess I will stay up really late tonight so I sleep until 12:00 and only have about 2 hours to wait to weigh in....The problem is that I go back to work on Monday and I'm sure I won't be able to go to bed when I need to if I sleep until noon.... so much for planning! The GOOD NeWs is that I actually lost a pound since my official Dec.weigh in..... lets hope that I can do it at tomorrows weigh in.... I hold water so that can really effect my weigh ins..... sorry I'm rambling but I'm upset! diane
Friday, January 01, 2010
I went to Kohl's to spend my Kohl's $ that I earned with my Xmas spending..... I was about to leave when I saw a sterling silver key necklace (lifetime charm) and I know I had to have it especially since they had an special that hour... I think I got it for 75% off... great find.... I'm planning to start a special James Avery charm bracelet this year to represent my meeting goals....
Friday, January 01, 2010
Well, I forced myself to go to my Bible studies group New Year's eve party.... reason # 1 I didn't want to go - most all of the people that I have gotten to know over the last 4 months since I began going to the group weren't going to be at the party.... # 2 The guy who had been calling wanting to get to know me better and abruptly stopped after his daughter came home from college (I met her at Christmas service ... she made absolutly no effort to talk to me....and after that that he stopped calling .. she is a Daddy's girl and I guess she didn't want anyone else in the picture) anyway he had RSVP'ed that he was attending.Well even though I didn't want to go I did force myself to go for at least a little while.I was so surprised that HE wasn't there..... I don't know why... of course my mind went to " is he sick.... did something happen to him?" His Best friend and didn't mention anything about why HE wasn't at the party.... my guess he was at home celebrating with his daughter. I probably won't ever know why he wasn't there but the important thing is that I went even though I knew I would be uncomfortable... I ended up staying the entire time and met some new friends..... The 2nd good thing is that I didn't eat a bite of food and came home and ate Taco Soup.... I did allow myself to eat a few bites of pecan pie so I wouldn't feel like I'm denying myself everything..... the only thing I want to eat that I haven't had in 8 months is a good piece of pizza... and not a low calorie piece.... after I weigh in for January I think I will allow myself to have a couple of pieces....I know that food is a good reward but heck it has been 8 months....
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I ended my last blog post because I had to go have my 1st bone density scan and to my surprise my small part of my hipbones came back as a score of -1.7Between -1 and -2.5 indicates a sign of osteopenia, a condition in which bone density is below normal and may lead to osteoporosis!You could have knocked me over with a feather.... I just did the scan because my dr insisted and my insurance is changing (I will be paying a whole lot more out of pocket in 2010.... boy it came down to the wire the scan was done today December 31st).I came home and took a Calcuim with Vitimin D pill!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Slender75... I can't believe that you are also a belly dancer..... that is great! I too need to improve my belly rolls, flutters ect... for me I think it may take years to wake up the muscles that were unused for so long! When I was loading up my pictures on my WW page I ran across pictures from my Graduation (April "08) and I was horrified! With WW help I am less hesitant to show my stomache...although if you notice in the pictures I always have some kind of adornment that covers up my belly.... (the dreaded cellulite I acquired from fast weight gain due to taking medication) I am beginning to accept my body as it is and working to improve it. I turned 50 this year and it did a real head trip on me......I can't tell you how often the thought (I'm to old to do/ to try this) I'm trying to go back to the way I thought at 40- 45 and just do it.....Life is too short. Slender75 I would love to hear more about your BD classes... have you performed? Off to the Dr for my 1st bone scan... how I hate getting up early when it isn't a work day! I' still trying to decide whether I should go to my Bible Studies News Years eve party.... that guy who hasn't called in over a week is going to be there.....not sure I want to be in such a small space (I'm new to the group and don't know that many of the people).... I will let you know.....If I do go I want to look smashing! bye di
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Just a little background regarding how and why took up Belly Dancing.... well here goes*A little over 2 years ago I was doing yoga on a daily bases..... sometimes going to classes twice a day.... yes I always go full throttle into new activities*I joined a yoga studio where I could take unlimited classes.....and they offered Belly Dancing.... so I thought why not give it a try .... I had nothing to lose* I immediately feel in love with belly dancing but the teacher at the yoga studio wasn't very good with teaching beginners so I sought out a real Belly Dancing studio*Believe or not one of the largest Belly Dancing Studio is in Bedford Tx * The Studio has a well developed format for advancement (which involves performaning and testing out on choregraphies..... I'm currently taking classes (one and half hour class)3 days a week (makin up for lost time)*The studio is very empowering...... Women of all ages and sizes are embraced and welcomed*We are given opportunities through out the year to perform .... it is really fun deciding on your costume and for me that includes wigs since my hair is salt and pepper and cut in a funky style*I have made so many friends taking classes* It is great exercise and best of all it is so fun it doesn't feel like exercise
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
It is amazing how with some time off (2 week vacation) how my natural body clock kicks in.... when it is given the option it will have me up until 1:00 - 3:00 in the Morning and to wake up around 10:30 - 12:30 in the it is going to be a real challenge come Monday morning but for now I'm loving it : )Update on my lack of motivation...... a little spark kicked in around 12: 00 am and I began to some of my To Do's ...... I have to focus on the fact that I'm making a little progress as small as it may be and I will be satisfied with that and hope that my wanting to get some exercise in on a daily basis is close behind. I attended my weekly WW meeting and it was stressed how we need to eat a varied menu.... I'm terrible about eating the sometime for days and sometimes weeks ..... it seems to work for me.... (I was kind of like that prior to WW). I would love to hear what you look forward to eating each day? I'm into WW strawberry Smoothies with granola ( I get in all my milk and Fruit/Veg for the day), Fiber One Yogurt.with a little granola... love them.... and WW Taco Soup.It's supposed to snow today.... I checked outside and no sign of it yet..... I think I will head to the stables early today to do Gracie's (my horse) daily chores and get back home..... I live in Texas and you don't want to be on the roads when Snow or Ice hit.... it is a wreck waiting to happen! We actually had snow on Christmas eve (a lot of it) and I wasn't able to get to the Family dinner.... I had gotten ready (dressed, made homemade Mac and Cheese, and made about 5 trips to the car to get all the presents in) Well after de-icing my car I headed out scared to death! I got about a mile from my home and began to hydroplane.......I was 5:00 and already dark..... I made the decision to turn around and head home.... and live another day.... I was so upset ... I was the only one who didn't make it.... but I was the only person who didn't have a man to drive them there and I was all alone..... I really wish I was in a relationship! diane aka Lucky Begonia
Monday, December 28, 2009
Actually I can't remember what the previous blog post was titled : )Come to think about it if I was actually doing some digging I would at least be earning some Activity Points.....I guess I did some actually digging ..... I just got back from the stables ... doing my daily horsey chores which includes mucking her stall. Due to tummy issues Gracie can only eat hay... and lots of there is always plenty to muck. I did get a call from one of my bellydancing friends and just talking to her lifted my spirits some....Progress. All in all I haven't eating my way out of the blues.... just not doing much of anything productive... ie. straightening up my apt. which really needs it and excercising!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wow...... I've been in the dumps for the last week.....why do I let a guy get me off track.... I was excited that a guy from my Singles Bible study at church was calling/emailing (the 2 weeks leading up to the week of christmas) and had told me that he was interested in getting to know me. He invited me to join him and his daughter who had come home from college (he had share that she was very much a daddy's girl) to a christmas service ...... I was really excited ...well to net it out I haven't gotten an email or call since that evening.... I keep racking my brain and all I can come up with is that his daughter isn't OK with another gal in his life.....I hate to tell you what a disappointment it was to me.... I'm sure it's not just this recent happening but all the disappoinments that I've had to muddle through over the last 4 years.....Why have I let it get me off track and lower my self worth..... I have been a slug the last week...... basically I have only done the must do's.... family get togethers... I did get myself to my WW meeting yesterday..... I know I need to be pulling out my exercise dvd's (Leslie Sasone or one off my many bellydancing dvd's)..... my belly dancing studio is closed down the last 2 weeks of December so I'm not getting that exercise and not being around my friends there...... all I want to do is sleep..... I know I need to pull myself out of this low and not let another person throw me off my path....I can mentally grasp what I need to do but I just haven't gotten to the point where I can put it into action. Hopefully my next posting will be more upbeat!