I'm still here

Hi all,

It has been forever since I have had the umph to actually write a journal entry....sometimes just making it through what you are going through is difficult enough and to recount in writing is just too much to face.

About 2 weeks ago today I received a frantic phone from the emergency room, my Dad had had a heart attack and the Dr. didn't think he would make through the operation....(he was still recovering from an operation a week and half earlier) ..... come to find out my Dad had actually died in the emergency room but because it happened there they were about to bring him back to life....(Angels were differently looking after him that day!). Anyway the Dr was able to deal with one of the blocked arteries and will operate on the other blockage once he has fully recovered....(there is one blockage that they aren't even able to do anything with it).

Dad come home after nearly a week in the hospital......On Valentines Day Dad was sweet enough to invite me over to have a lovely meal with him and my Step Mother...it was wonderful since I haven't had a sweetie to celebrate Valentine's day with in years.

Up date on my knitting escapades.... when I begin a new hobby I go whole hog and want to have all the bell and whistles...knitting needles of all shapes and sizes, wonderful magically expensive yarns, and books ect. well it floors me in these bad economic times that those that work at small home owned shops would appreciate those people who are choosing to let go of some of their hard earned dollars. The Knitting shop that I have taken my class as is where I have purchase a great deal of items....well I have made a 40 mile trek twice a week to go there.....over the past 5 weeks I have observed that those that should be there to help you seemed to view customers as a burden/interruption in their day.....it really has made me have a bad taste in my mouth, as a newbie to knitting I probably have more questions than an experienced knitter..... I decided not to go yesterday because I didn't want to deal with attitude....I have been dealing with attitude at work by some of the coworkers that have been notified that they are being laid off but are still at work.....they are nice to some of the others that have been chosen to remain but they are icing me.....so I can only deduct that they don't feel that I deserve to remain.....the person who is icing me the most was a friend...so it really has made me feel horrible...
Well enough of my gripping....as of last night I have completed 2 scarfs.....my daughters have each put in request for a scarf.....it is a good thing they want a scarf because that is all I feel like I can do right I have attempted to make a shawl and a shrug and they flopped and I had to pull it out and put it away for a while.......
Anyone out there watching the Bachelor, American Idol, Top Chef, The Amazing Race or the Jockies? If you want to share your thoughts on the show or make prediction on the outcomes please share....I guess that I like a lot of reality shows.....

Diane

The results are in .....at least partially

Well I have been trying to buck up and sit down and write about last week....last week (Wednesday)it was D day.....thank goodness I wasn't there because my Dad had surgery and I was at the hospital with him. My cell was ringing off the wall with the causalities and all I can say is that it was massive. About 60% of my dept. were laid off...all my friends are impacted.....2 coworkers worked one additional day and the others are working for about 3 weeks to transition, only 2 of those impacted are even interacting with me.....I'm sure they are thinking that it should be them and not me that gets to remain. I'm happy that I'm still there but I also now know that the longer term plans are to move everything up to NY and moving me don't seen to be part of the plan (I will know for certain once the new manager is in place....there may be a slight chance that I could work virtually) so right now I have just been given a longer notice period....maybe up around 2 years...(I'm hoping for at least 2 years and 3 months so I can bridge to retirement and not lose it.....anyway I'm still depress with so many uncertainties. Oh by the way I know why I probably have a short shelf life....the people that have been moved into my friends jobs are at a higher grade level so I'm probably OK enough to help them get up and running but I probably don't cut the mustard long term.....it is so frightening.....it really shakes your confidence up .....I wasn't focused this week at work and felt like I was getting sick (run down and chills yesterday) so I decided to take a vacation day and sleep in....nip it in the bud so to speak.....needless to say I haven't been dieting or exercising at all and I'm afraid to step on the scales until I've returned to exercising....I'm trying not to beat myself up ..... I can only take just so much stress and disappointment. The one good thing is that I have been knitting ..... pulling out a lot of stitches but I'm sticking with it....I have one more class in the beginners series...I will probably wait to move on the the next level ....I need to concentrate on burning what I've been taught into my brain. I have come in contact with a local group a Knitting group (Stitch and Bitch group) I didn't go last night but I will go to the next get together. I would like to have some knitting friends....I've all but decided to bellydance anymore......I've reading a book about people who like to learn many new things and move on and I think I'm like that...we are called "Scanners" people who go full force into something.....learn it...and then move onto the next adventure......the one thing in my life that I have always kept as an interest is quilting......well enough for one entry....I hope all is well in your life : ) diane